Malaysia

Day 11, 13th September – Hop On, Hop Off Bus

Prior to breakfast I thought I would check our emails. It was lucky that I did as the file I sent last night was rejected as it was too big. I quickly resent the documents in five separate files. After breakfast we had an email from the agent requesting us to sign two pages that we had not done properly. I was now an expert and after a quick trip to the internet café the revised pages were on their way.

By this time it was nearly 11:00am so we headed down the street to catch the Kuala Lumpur Hop On, Hop Off bus. At RM45 per ticket it is a reasonably priced tour for a capital city. A round trip on the bus takes approximately 2.5 hours and covers the major sights including

·         China Town

·         Central Market

·         Petronas Twin Tower

·         KL Tower

·         Museums

·         Botanical Gardens, Bird Park and Butterfly Park

·         Kuala Lumpur Railway Station

·         National Palace

The National Palace is a good photo opportunity as the drivers take a 5 minute cigarette break at this location. There is just enough time to walk up to the front gate, take some happy snaps or a selfie if you are that way inclined. There is also a handy very clean toilet which is just perfect for me. If we had more time the botanical gardens would be a great place to spend a few hours. In the end we alighted at the Central Market and went in search of food and bargains. The environment was like an oasis and we settled into a nice chair and sampled some of the fine food on offer. The chicken satay and the potato puff pastry were delicious. Alice went off in search of bargains so I remained in the suffering seat until she returned some time later. I was surprised to learn that she had only checked out the top floor. Rather than spend more time in the suffering seat until she returned some time later. I was surprised to learn that she had only checked out the top floor. Rather than spend more time in the suffering seat I decided to take a stroll around the bottom floor. I was in luck as I found a fish massage store offering a 15 minute massage for RM10. The massage fish were bigger than those I had seen before and as soon as my feet hit the water they were all over me like a seagull on a chip. The way they were going at me I thought I had put my feet into a tank full of Piranha. It took a few minutes before my little pinkies could accept the incessant nibbling but when my time was up my feet were as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I returned to the suffering seat and was only waiting a few minutes when Alice arrived clutching her bounty.

The China Town market was nearby so we headed over there to check out the quality of the goods on offer. There are plenty of stalls selling the usual knock off items of T-shirts and sunglasses just to mention a couple. It is a lot like the Bangkok street markets where you have to navigate your way through narrow corridors and fend off all the vendors trying to entice you into buying. We did manage to purchase a couple of items but after an hour Alice was becoming fatigued from the heat and her earlier shopping foray. That suited me and I found a booth near the end of the mall where we could relax over an ice cold Anchor Pilsner beer.

By this time it was approaching 7:00pm so we decided on a RM15 taxi ride back to the hotel. We

thought that it would be good to try some Moroccan food but try as we might we could not find it anywhere. In the end we settled for some seafood at one of the plethora of restaurants that set up night time street tables. Alice had prawns stir fried in teriyaki sauce while I had a hankering for some salt and pepper calamari. The problem was that I could not see it anywhere on the menu. I asked a waiter who turned the pages of the menu and pointed to the word Sotong. Who would have guessed! We finished off the evening with a Turkish ice-cream cone.

Day 12, 14th September – Rain Means Massage

There is a bit of thunder happening this morning and the rain is tumbling down. At around midday it had started to clear so we ventured out for a banana roti with fresh coconut juice. In this area there is no shortage of establishments offering massages at a reasonable rate. About 50 metres from our hotel there is a particularly well appointed one offering a range of packages at reasonable rates. Alice settled for a 2.5 hour package for RM180 ($60) which included a 30 minute foot massage, 30 minute body scrub, 60 minute aromatherapy massage and a30 minute facial. As everyone knows I am a new age metrosexual man who will do anything to look good. I chose the two hour package which started with a 30minute body scrub which was as good as a massage. My body felt like it had a Valvoline oil change, you know what I mean!  Prior to my next treatment I needed to shower and remove all the salt and oil from my body. One good thing is that you are not naked during the treatment and Alice thought I looked quite sexy in my black paper panties. Next up was the 30 minute full body wrap. After smoothing a concoction from the Harry Potter potions class all over my body my masseuse wrapped me up in plastic and towels. It looked like a scene from the Mummy and I could imagine Vincent Price sneaking in and making a cameo appearance. She left me to bake for another 20 minutes before returning to unwrap me. It must have been relaxing as Alice complained about my snoring. Another shower and it was time to finish off with a 60 minute full body aromatherapy massage. I thought the RM130 ($40) was excellent value.

I was having a relaxing Tiger beer when Alice emerged looking ravishing and revitalized. We both felt so good that we decided to try and find the Moroccan restaurant for our last dinner in KL. Tonight we had no problems in locating the restaurant and it wasn’t long before we were enjoying a couple of succulent lamb dishes. KL is a melting pot of different nationalities who all seem tolerant of each other. There is some irony of eating at a Moroccan Restaurant in Malaysia and being served by a humble waiter from Bangladesh.

Day 13, 15th September – Kuala Lumpur to Cameron Highlands

Our time in KL has come to the end as we have a bus to catch at 10:30am to the Cameron Highlands. KL is definitely a city worth visiting especially if you like shopping and the Bukit Bintang area is good for accommodation and access to most sights and areas.

We decided to give ourselves plenty of time to reach the Pudu Sentral bus station so we jumped into a taxi at 9:20am. I thought that the RM10 price that he quoted was exceptional until we pulled over 5 minutes later at our destination. This was a different terminal from the one we had been dropped at 4 nights ago. After collecting the tickets that I had purchased online we still had another 45 minutes to wait. Our bus the Unititi Express is not as new as the previous bus but we have plenty of leg room and comfortable seats. The only downside is that we departed 30 minutes late at 11:00am which may have a negative bladder impact during our 3 hour 204km road trip.

I was just starting to cramp up when the driver decided that it was time for a break. The restrooms are not part of the service station and are amazingly clean and large. There are showers and the according to Alice the ladies had an atrium. With 60km to go the bus turned off the main highway and started its meandering upwards crawl to the highlands. The scenery changed dramatically as the road cut its path up to the mountain plateau. It is school holidays and the road is clogged with sightseeing families. At around 3:00pm and 1.5 hours late we arrived at our destination of Tanah Rata in the Cameron Highlands. The name "tanah rata" means flat ground in Malay and it refers to the relatively flat area on which the town is located amidst this highland region. It has an elevation of 1,440 metres (4,720 ft) and it is reportedly the nicest and the most popular town in Cameron Highlands. As we were driving in we spotted the Hillview Inn which will be our accommodation for the next three nights. At the bus terminal there was a van for the Inn so we were able to get there without the need to hire a taxi.

Our room is quite small but at $42 a night we cannot complain. The building is quite large and it is operated in a similar manner to a boarding house. There is a common room on each floor where you can watch television or just sit and read. Alice who had not eaten lunch was giving me the I’m hungry and if I don’t eat now I’ll rip your head look. There were plenty of restaurants to choose from so I was saved from being mauled. There are quite a few adventure tours available so we may have to flip a coin and see what happens.

Day 14, 16th September - The Lord’s Café and an Agro Tour

This morning Alice and I are just chilling and taking our time before heading to the hustling downtown area. We dropped into a couple of tour companies and decided that we would take an afternoon tour. With a couple of hours to kill we thought that it would be good to send a couple of postcards. The post office was closed and that is when we discovered that it was a public holiday for Malaysia Day. No wonder there is so much traffic around. For those of you who know Alice you will understand why she could not go past a café with the name The Lord’s Café. It was a quaint little area that served up scones and tea without any fanfare. After writing our order on the proffered piece of paper our order duly arrived. The strawberry scones which were the house specialty were particularly delicious.

Alice thought my hair was starting to look scruffy so she marched me into one of the local Indian barbers. For the princely sum of RM10 he made short work of my graying locks. He was quite adept with a pair of scissors and would make a great addition to the staff at Hair Logics.

Our tour van arrived promptly at 2:00pm and our guide was quick to point out that it would take some time to travel the 10km to where we would pick up the other four guests. His estimate that it would take some time was an understatement as the traffic was bumper to bumper and hardly moving. If he had not pre-warned us it would have lived up to the tour’s name, The Agro Tour. In the end it took 1 hour and 40 minutes to reach our destination. The only saving grace was that the guide was nice and we could really admire the countryside.

The tour itself is not very exciting but we did get to look at a variety of different farming principles that is in use in the highlands. Our first stop was at an organic vegetable farm that also sold their produce at what we would call a roadside stall. Our guide was very enthusiastic about the Cameron Highland sweet corn which is so sweet that you can eat it raw. We took him up on his boast and it lived up to its reputation. Its taste was similar to sugar cane and was so good that Alice bought one for later consumption.

The next stop was at a pick your own strawberry farm. Unfortunately we are running so far behind schedule that this option was not available. Our guide gave us a history lesson on strawberries in the region. The climate is so good that they can grow strawberries all year round. They are all planted in pots and water is supplied by drip feed irrigation. For all of us wanna be horticulturists the big tip is that they do not grow them in soil as the roots find it difficult to penetrate. Some genius worked out that the best growing material is coconut husk. We did purchase some over the counter strawberries, jam and of course a couple of strawberries dipped in rich chocolate.

Our following stops were at a cactus farm and a lettuce farm. The cacti were planted in various sections and came in different shapes and sizes. Some had beautiful purple flowers. At the lettuce farm we were shown the different types under cultivation. Our guide gave us an explanation and demonstration on how they were grown using the hydroponic method. The real draw card here was the restaurant where they served cheap strawberry milkshakes and deep fried ice-cream with strawberries. Ah delicious and a little fattening!

My favourite stop was the Chrysanthemum flower farm. It was getting late when we arrived and the only Chrysanthemums flowering were on a high terrace at the back of the farm. This entailed a difficult walk along drainage ditches. When we reached the top we knew it was worth the effort as the flowers were in full bloom. It was like looking at a beautiful living carpet. The colours ranged from the standard white and yellow to orange, red and purple.

Our last stop for the RM65 ($22) tour is at the well named Titiwangsa Hotel where we will have a steamboat dinner which is included in the tour price. Alice and I were the only westerners in the packed restaurant and complete novices at steamboat eating. Our guide gave me a quick rundown on what to do and then left us to our own devices. In the centre of the table is a gas burner and a steamboat which has a moat filled with a chicken stock and vegetables is placed on top. We started with a bowl of broth and then the waiters brought two trays of ingredients for us to cook in the moat. There were prawns, calamari, fish and chicken on one tray and mushrooms, tofu, crab sticks and other delights on the other. In addition we had two eggs and could help ourselves to unlimited vegetables, rice and noodles. We started off slowly with the prawns and calamari and Alice showed a deft hand in removing various pieces from the moat with her chopsticks. I was pathetic and had to resort to a fork. I had no idea what to do with the eggs but the waiter gave me a hand signal to crack them open and place them in the broth. The result was a tasty poached egg. The steamboat is supposed to be a specialty in the highlands as the climate lends itself to this style of eating. My opinion is that it was an excellent dinner and a good way to graze your way through the evening.

Day 15, 17th September – Forest Discovery Tour

Alice and I chose this particular half day tour as it does not kick off until 9:30am and finishes around 2:00pm. The tour cost of RM60 ($20) is a little more expensive than the other operators but we thought we could afford it! Our guide Ravi who with a name like that must be of Indian descent picked us up on time and drove us back in the same direction as the previous day. What a difference a day makes as today it only took 20 minutes to traverse the route. Along the way we picked up another guest an elderly lady from Singapore who is staying at the salubrious Strawberry Park Resort. Nearby to this hotel is the Jim Thompson Cottage (revitalized the Thai Silk industry) where he stayed prior to disappearing without a trace in March 1967. He basically did a Harold Holt, he went for a walk and never came back.

Our first stop today was the peak of Gunung Brinchang which stands at a lofty height of 6,666 feet. Now that is a scary number. After climbing the observation tower we had a magnificent view of nothing! Unfortunately there was a lot of mist and low lying cloud about. The only good thing was that the drive up was quite spectacular as the road wound its way past tea plantations and then through the mossy forest. Ravi then drove a short distance back to a location where we could do a short walk through the mossy forest. Prior to the walk he gave us an overview of the various herbs that grew by the side of the road. His explanation and demonstration of the medicinal values of the various herbs was informative and enlightening. We even tried a few of the roots and seeds. Some smelt like Tiger Balm but I took a fancy to one of the brown pitcher plants that had not yet opened. Ravi then endeared himself to me for life. He was studying my face and then said you remind me of a movie star, that James Bond guy, what’s his name? Oh that’s right Daniel Craig. Of course I could not argue with him, after all I am shaken but not stirred!

We then took a 25 minute walk along a boardwalk that wound its way through the mossy forest. One of the downsides is that the number of people who visited here yesterday on the public holiday have left a mountain of rubbish. The locals (not the guides) have no idea on conservation and most just drop their rubbish when they have finished. Thankfully there was a gang of guys collecting the trash from the area. The rubbish aside it is a beautiful area with the soft moss clinging to most of the trees. From some points there are great views of the surrounding countryside.

Our last stop was a visit to the BOH (Best Of Highlands) tea plantation. They have set this place up as a tourist trap by constructing a building on a ridge that is aesthetically pleasing and overlooks the tea plantation. On the drive in Ravi explained that most of the workers are now from Nepal or Bangladesh. They are provided with accommodation, health facility and even places of worship. From the carpark the footpath takes you past the tea trees to the centre. Once there you can watch a movie about the BOH plantations before walking past signs providing historical information. From there it is past a shop selling all varieties of tea produced and then to the cafeteria. I almost gave up at this point as the service queue was exceedingly long, however Alice was patient enough to stand in line and order us a nice pot of tea and a heavenly piece of cake. A view and a cup of tea just seem to be natural partners. Both our tours could have been done cheaper by about RM20 but we thought both our tours were enhanced by our guides and that offset the extra price.

Alice and I went our separate ways for the remainder of the afternoon. I was content with tea and scones at the inn. The natural born woman however was happy to troll the shops of Tanah Rata in search of items that bring joy and happiness. She eventually returned not because she had run out of money but mainly due to the fact that she could not carry anymore booty. This evening we are venturing out for a pre dinner cocktail, a good feed and perhaps some more booty.

Day 16, 18th September – Cameron Highlands to Perhentian Islands

We had a good stay at the Hillview Inn, the staff was helpful, courteous and the place kept spotlessly clean. The only issue that we had was the water pressure for the shower was non-existent. Our mini bus for the 200km road trip to Kuala Besut arrived on time at 8:00am. With all 8 passengers on board our driver sped relentlessly towards our destination. He was a good driver but you could feel every bump and curve as he accelerated in and out of the corners. At around the 3.5 hour mark he mercifully pulled over for a cigarette and for Alice and I a toilet break. I took the opportunity to fuel up on some potato curry puffs which at 5 for RM2 was a bargain I could not refuse. After a ten minute rest we were on our way again and an hour later we arrived at the jetty for our onward journey to the Perhentian Islands.

Before we could go we needed a return speedboat ticket (RM70) and of course the marine park tax had to be paid. As a senior I had to pay the hefty sum of RM2 (65 cents) where as junior Alice had to cough up RM5 ($1.65). The speedboat was quite large and powered by 2x200hp Johnson outboards. The boat flew across the open sea and 45 minutes later we were deposited on a small pontoon near our accommodation. It was extremely muggy and by the time Alice and I had walked the short distance to reception we were sweating profusely. When we were in KL we booked a sea view room for four nights at the Cosy Resort on Pulau Perhentian for  Besar (large island) RM1050 ($355). By my usual standards this is an extravagance however I did not want to risk having to hunt down a room during their busy school holiday period. Our room is huge and clean but the real bonus is the balcony that overlooks the coconut palms and the turquoise waters of the South China Sea.

After settling in we walked down to the beach and selected a couple of heavy wooden deck chairs that I had to drag under the shade of the coconut palms. The water was quite shallow near the beach and as a result the water was unbelievably warm. Alice snorkeled for a while and I went for a long swim in the deeper water. At around 6:00pm we returned to the room for a refreshing shower. We then adjourned to the balcony with an ice cold Tiger beer to watch the sunset over Pulau Perhentian Kecil (small island). To finish off what has been a long day dinner was taken on the restaurant deck overlooking the water. Our meal of barbequed Kingfish fillet was complemented nicely by a few cups of Yalumba Shiraz from our last cask.

Day 17, 19th September – Run to Paradise

Alice and I had a good sleep in this morning and it was nearly 9:00am when we presented ourselves for the buffet breakfast. The hotel has an egg lady who cooked us up a fresh vegetable omelet which was cooked to perfection. Some toast and coffee and we are prepared to face todays rigorous activities. My first job was to go for a walk along the beach and then drop into the dive shop. I have booked a dive for 3:00pm with Seahorse Divers and hopefully a few more dives over the coming days. If you book five dives the cost per dive is RM80 ($27) which is good value.

Prior to lunch we took a walk down the beach towards the jetty. There were a couple of wooden deck chairs available so we grabbed two of them and placed them under the shade of a huge tree. No chance that we will get burnt here. The snorkeling near the jetty was terrific and Alice and I spent a fair amount of time in the water. There were giant clams, Grouper, Parrot, Sea Anemones and of course their resident Clown Fish. We took lunch at a little hole in the sand establishment that cooked up a mean roti. The mango shake that I ordered was so cold that I ended up with a brain freeze.

At 3:00pm I arrived at the dive shop for my afternoon dive. There were only two of us diving so it should be a relaxing dive. The dive site is known as Batu Nisan which is located just off Long Beach where all the pack backers like to hang out. The visibility was once again poor and the depth of the dive was around 16 metres. There was plenty to see and we encountered some Scorpion Fish, Lion Fish, Giant Puffer Fish, NudiBranch, and juvenile Harlequin Sweetlip just to name a few.

 Alice had purchased a couple of beers for us to enjoy the sunset with. After a quick shower it was great to be knocking back a cold one and enjoying the spectacular sunset from the sanctuary of our air conditioned room. You would not believe how hot it is on the balcony at this time of day.

For dinner tonight we have decided to try the up market Tuna Bay Resort. We arrived early and chose a table overlooking the water. There are plenty of options on the menu including a T-bone steak from New Zealand. However we are in Malaysia so we ordered spring rolls, chicken satay and tom yam soup. When the food arrived it was beautifully plated but more importantly tasted great. My soup was so hot and spicy that I required two cold cans of tiger beer to quench the fire that was raging in my mouth. Nevertheless I would have to say that it was one of the best tom yam soups that I have ever eaten.

Day 18, 20th September – Call Me Bubbles

I was up bright an early this morning and presented myself at the buffet breakfast right on 7:30am. There was already a crowd there but I had no trouble organizing a seat and a hearty breakfast. After I was fully sated I returned to the room to wake Alice up and prepare myself for the morning dive. Only three of us are going out and our dive master has chosen what he says is the best dive site in the Perhentian Islands. Tokong Laut is a pinnacle of rock out in the South China Sea that is in about 20 metres of water and abounds with sea life. The visibility was ordinary and the current in places was quite strong. When we began the dive we saw a blue spotted stingray, bamboo shark and a moray eel. There was plenty of tropical reef fish including blue banded angelfish and a batfish that took to following us. A number of other moray eels were gliding over the coral in search of food which is something I rarely see. It was a great dive and with good visibility I can understand why it is considered a premier dive location.

Back on shore I found Alice lazing on a deck chair under the shade of a coconut palm. I joined her and we whiled away the time reading and taking dips in what is very warm water. This lifestyle is difficult to take but we needed some lunch prior to me setting off on another dive. Lunch was a toasted cheese sandwich but we forgot to tell the waitress to hold the mayo. They just love saturating a good sandwich with litres of mayonnaise. If you are hungry then you will eat just about anything. Luckily, the fruit juices we ordered did not have sugar added to it.

Two o’clock and it is time for me to go and get ready for another underwater adventure. There are eight divers on this trip so the boat was pretty full when we took off for Batu Layar which is a 5 minute speedboat trip. This dive site is like an underwater coral island with a maximum depth of about 16 metres. I can’t seem to crack a dive with good visibility. At least the current here was not strong. On the dive we saw some scorpion fish, blue spotted stingray, giant puffer fish and blue banded angelfish. The best part of the dive was when we skimmed over the coral garden in about 10 metres of water. There were plenty of baitfish and small very colourful reef fish.

The remainder of the afternoon we spent in the sanctuary of the air conditioned room where we could enjoy the view in comfort. At around 6:30 pm I escorted Alice to the bar in the Tuna Bay resort so she could indulge in a Pina Colada or whatever concoction she desires. Me on the other hand have opted to get wet again and will be undertaking my first night dive in 15-20 years. The dive tonight was at a site known as the Police Wreck and there are 3 boats that have been scuttled in 16 to 18 metres of water. The visibility was poor but there was virtually no current. With torches in hand we could see luminescent jellyfish and on the wreck there were small crabs and shrimp that appear only at night. We did a circuit of the first wreck and saw some boxfish and puffer fish. There was a line connecting the wrecks so that was our only means of navigation between them. At the second wreck there were blue spotted stingrays that seem to appear on every dive. On returning to the first wreck there was a large flounder lying in the sand just waiting for an unsuspecting smaller fish to pass by. The dive was marginal at best and I can understand why it has been so long between night dives.

It was 9:00pm when I arrived back at the room. A quick shower and we went down to the restaurant hoping for some barbeque. Alas the flames had been extinguished and we had to settle for a very poor stir fry. At least the red wine tasted nice.

Day 19, 21st September – Attack of the Creepy Crawlies

When I returned from breakfast this morning I found Alice sitting on the bathroom floor staring at the toilet. She looked in a little pain and a hundred images flashed through my brain as I wondered what had happened to her. While she was in the bathroom she felt something crawling on the bottom of her foot and before she could react she had received a painful bite from what appeared to be a centipede. It had then scurried behind the toilet and disappeared. Alice was waiting for it to reappear so she could identify her attacker and then lay it to rest. Unfortunately, it did not emerge from its hiding place.

Alice was feeling a little better so being the caring husband that I am, I left her and went off to the dive centre. This morning we are diving at Sugar Wreck which lies between Kuala Besut and the Perhentians. It is a large vessel that sunk in the mid 1990’s and lies at a depth of about 20 metres. It was an excellent dive mainly due to the variety of marine life that infests every nook and cranny of the ship. We saw Bamboo Sharks, Blue Spotted Stingray, Moray Eel, Scorpion Fish, Lion Fish, huge Trigger Fish, Box Fish and Puffer Fish just to name a few. The visibility was poor on the bottom however it improved dramatically at 10 metres.

This was supposed to be my last dive but as I was enjoying myself I thought it would be good to have just one more dip. Alice who has recovered from her bite has generously agreed to let me go again so I fronted at the dive shop to see if they had a space left for me. I joined the group and at midday we headed off for a site known as Terumbu Tiga. This site consists of a lot of boulders that provide some interesting swim throughs and coral gardens. As soon as I entered the water I knew it would be a good dive. The visibility was great and the marine life prolific. I think I saw more Nudibranch on this dive than all of my other dives combined. There was some beautiful light green lace coral growing off the side of the canyon walls. Giant Puffer Fish, large Blue Banded Angelfish, Trigger Fish and Cleaner Shrimp were some of the species that we encountered. Towards the end of the dive we finned over a large patch of soft pink coral that made me sigh with pleasure.

Alice and I had a late lunch and then set off on a walk across the burning sands. There are a couple of tracks that link the various sandy beaches so we walked to the last beach. It was practically deserted so we did what we always do and went for a snorkel. It was once again great with plenty of large parrot feeding on the coral and the usual array of small reef fish. One problem we encountered was a particular species that likes to follow you and then when you least suspect it, they take a good nip at you. Alice also found an unusual green colored sea anemone which was full of clown fish. At around 5:00pm we called it quits and picked up our laundary and a couple of cold Tiger beers. We consumed the afore mentioned beers sitting on the balcony in a cooling breeze watching the sunset over the turquoise blue water. It doesn’t get much better than this. Of course it does, Alice talked me into having cocktails at the Tuna Bay resort whose bar is practically on the water’s edge. Except for Neil Solomon’s flathead, our meal of red snapper fillet was probably the best piece of fish I have eaten.

Tiomen and KL

Day 1, 3rd September 2014 – Disappointment, Trials and Serendipity

My day started at 2:30am as I will try and use some of our points to get an upgrade to Business Class for our trip to Singapore. With the ticket that we have purchased there is a rule that only allows us the opportunity to upgrade 24 hours before the flight is due to leave, which happens to be 2:30am on the 4th September. A bleary eyed David was up at the appointed hour but should have stayed in bed as alas there were no upgrades available. At least we still have our passes that give us access to the business class lounge.

Today is all about getting ready and remembering to pack everything we need for a trip to the tropics. The major disappointment was when I realized that I had lost my passes that will give us access to the Emirates Business Class lounge in Brisbane. Given that we have a limousine pick up (courtesy of Emirates) booked for 11:00pm it will mean a long wait in the departure area. I tried a desperation call to Emirates but alas the access card is issued by Citibank and that would necessitate a call that would not bring the joy that I was looking for.

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and thinking that I should have checked a few weeks earlier to ensure everything was up to date. My composure took another downturn when I noticed an email from Air Asia informing us that our flight to Yangoon had been cancelled. Obviously it was beyond their control but other options were on offer. The only good thing was that the notification arrived prior to our departure. With a sigh that could have been heard at Lang Park I embarked on an electronic journey of cancelling accommodation, booking new flights and finding some overnight accommodation in Kuala Lumpur. By the time I had finished this unexpected delight I was ready for a glass of cheer.

Jemma came to the rescue and took Alice and I out to our local restaurant, Soul Bistro. The company food and wine relaxed me as well as Alice to the point where my sad face had disappeared. We did not have long to wait before there was a knock on the door and a courteous good evening from our chauffer. Given the time of night we were soon delivered to the departure drop off zone at Brisbane International airport. We were more than 3 hours early but there was already a substantial queue waiting to check-in. As we had previously checked-in on line we were able to join a much shorter queue. It was only a short moment before we saw Gene and Trish who are travelling with us in the extended queue. We made some quick plans to meet them on the other side of immigration after they had checked in.

When we approached the check-in the hostess greeted us warmly. On spec I asked if there were any Business Class seats available for the flight as I had plenty of frequent flyer points. To my surprise she said that there were two seats available but she would have to check with her supervisor. My earlier disappointment turned into abundant joy when she gave us the thumbs up. Gene could see on my face that we were about to dump them for a taste of luxury. Trish and him told us to enjoy it so we toddled off and were soon enjoying the pleasures of smoked salmon and champagne. Ah serendipity!

Day 2, 4th September – Brisbane, Singapore, Tioman Island

The flight was running about 30 minutes late and we ended up boarding around 2:40am. The hostess offered us another glass of champagne before coming around with a mattress for our small sleeping pod. A quick sandwich and I was soon asleep. I did manage a few hours sleep but I still woke up too early to say that I had a decent nights sleep.  After a gourmet breakfast where I can’t believe that I declined the champagne we touched down in Singapore at around 8:30am. Alice and I were ushered off before those who had suffered the indignity of travelling economy class and waited for Gene and Trish to emerge. Gene had managed to get our previous seats which were a double at the rear of the plane. We were in no hurry and by the time we had reached the carousel our baggage had been removed. I went outside and located our driver who was patiently waiting for us. His name was Skye and he had been delegated to drive us from Singapore to the Malaysian town of Mersing on the east coast. The drive is approximately 150km and takes around 3 hours if you get a clear run through the border control gates. There was no problem exiting Singapore but the queue for Malaysia was a few hundred metres long. Nevertheless it only took about 15 minutes to have our passports duly stamped.

We stopped for some petrol and tried a couple of ATM’s for some much needed Malaysian Ringgit. Unfortunately to our chagrin none of the machines we tried would dispense the cash. Our driver made the decision to try for some money when we arrived at Mersing. It took about 15 minutes to leave the city precinct and for the next hour we enjoyed a pleasant drive in the country. My old bladder was starting to become irritated but I relaxed when I saw the Mersing city limits (motorcycles not allowed in it). As soon as he pulled up at the bank I made a bee-line for the Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet and immediate release from my cramping inside. With our wallets full of Ringgits and Gene clutching a Malaysian Sim card we made the short trip to the jetty. The taxi trip cost us $S180 and the vehicle that we travelled in was first class. Being ever generous we tipped Skye $S20 for our tardiness and stopping to allow us to sort out our telecommunications and high finances. At the ferry terminal we found out that we had another 3 hours to kill as our ferry would not be departing until 4:00pm. We purchased our tickets to Salang Bay on Tioman Island which cost MR75 ($25) for a return ticket.

There was a nice little restaurant next to the water so we ordered up a variety of goodies to satisfy our hunger. To kill some time the girls walked back into town to look at a shoe store and buy some pharmaceuticals. At 3:30pm we joined the queue to register our names and provide our ID so that our relatives could be informed just in case the ferry sank. After registration it was off to another counter where we had to pay a marine park tax. Gene and I got ours for half price MR12 ($4) because we are good looking and over 55. The girls on the other hand had to pay the full price of MR25. We then had to get our boarding pass and wait in a covered area until the ferry arrived. The majority of the passengers decided to stand and form a line so that they would be first on board and therefore have first divvies on the best seats. It was a good plan but unfortunately for them the ferry was running about one hour behind schedule.

Eventually we were all on board and we departed the quay just before 5:00pm. Seats were scarce but the crew did manage to find some separate seats for us. The trip across was uneventful and about 1 hour 15 minutes later we pulled into our first of five ports of call. There were a number of passengers alighting which freed up some space for us. Our stop of Salang Bay is the last stop and we berthed around 7:15pm.

Our luggage was off loaded but unfortunately for Alice her bag had lost a wheel in transit. We managed to wheel it down the jetty before a second wheel decided to pack it in. I had to carry it on my shoulder for the last 100 metres to our lodgings the Salang Pusaka. I know we are on island time but I was not prepared to wait another 90 minutes for reception to open for the evening. The staff was polite and suggested that we sit down and have a seafood barbeque. I just as politely suggested that they find someone to register us and show us to our rooms. It really has been a long day! Thankfully someone emerged from having their dinner and kindly escorted us to our MR150 ($50) a night deluxe bungalow. I was not expecting luxury and they did not disappoint us.

The chalets come with air conditioning, hot shower and a small refrigerator that is good enough to cool down a cask of wine. I forgot to mention that we packed in 8 litres of wine and a bottle of champagne for the next four weeks. Gene and Trish who are only travelling for a week have a tidy 4 litres plus a bottle of rum. We won’t be going dry on this Muslim Island. Back to the room and it was easy to read the disappointment on the faces of the girls. It may have had something to do with the mould in the bathroom, missing roof tiles, blood on the walls courtesy of previous tenants who had been swatting the mosquitoes. The mattress and pillows had also seen better days. Well we sucked it up and went for a short walk along the foreshore where we found a duty free shop selling cold beer at a reasonable price. As we were sitting back on the balcony and downing a draft of cool beer there was an enormous bang on our corrugated iron roof which gave us all a dreadful fright. The noise continued intermittently before we realized that the bombardment was the result of mangoes falling on our roof.

Our first night’s sleep after what was a very long day was punctuated by buzzing mosquitoes and a thunder storm which caused a fresh avalanche of mangoes.

Day 3, 5th September – Diving Tioman Island

Gene and I woke up around 7:00am and went for a walk along the bay so that we could get a feel for what was on offer. There are some establishments that offer good sea views but most have been booked out for the weekend by locals from Singapore or KL. In addition from what we can see they are all in need for some loving TLC. Back at the room the girls finally emerged from their deep slumber a little after 9:00am. A late breakfast with some coffee was what we all required so we chose one with a seat overlooking the water. The omelet, juice, toast and coffee only set you back approximately $9 per couple which was excellent value. The flies that accompanied us were free.

There are plenty of dive shops to choose from but Gene and I settled on the small shop, Scuba-Naut that is vertically integrated with our hotel. They were going out that afternoon at 2:00pm so they happily accepted our verbal booking. When we arrived back at the shop to sort out our gear we discovered that they had a sense of humour as they had booked us in under the pseudonyms of Glen McGrath and Ricky Ponting. The double boat dive is costing MR180 ($60) and includes all gear which appears to be in good condition.

After cramming into our speedboat we were off on a 20 minute ride to the KM Sipadan dive site located of Air Batang beach. The Sipadan is a 1964 royal navy warship which was deliberately scuttled here in 2012. Gene and I surprised ourselves as between us we have had about 4 dives in the last five years.  The dive depth was about 30 metres and had only minor difficulty in equalizing. We were able to swim through the wreck which is home to a few big fish and some large schools of bait fish.

Our second dive was in much shallower water with a maximum depth of 16 metres at Soyak Island. It is located only 5 minutes from the jetty and is clearly visible from Salang Bay. This was an excellent dive as we were able to see a black tipped reef shark, barracuda and a small turtle. There was also plenty of coral with some deep purple fan coral in excellent condition. We enjoyed our dives to the degree where we instantly booked in for tomorrow at 10:00am.

Back at the room we found Alice and Trish still resting. It did not take long to convince them to join

us for happy hour and falling mangoes on the deck. By 6:30pm we were all ready for dinner so we toddled off to our hotel's restaurant which had looked promising the night before. Like our request for breakfast this morning they informed us that they would not be ready for at least another hour.

We ended up walking to the far end of the bay to a hole in the wall seafood barbeque place that had the requisite faded plastic chairs and the worn plastic tablecloth. Alice and I settled for a combo seafood BBQ which included rice, Tom Yam soup, whole fish, calamari and prawns for MR70 ($24). Gene and Trish ordered a variety of dishes that the waitress tried hard to remember. After a while a range of food from the BBQ and the kitchen arrived at our table. Only 2 soups arrived so Gene and I polished them off. They were extremely spicy and I doubt that Alice could have eaten hers anyway. Trish’s fish failed to arrive so she had to go and order another one which duly arrived. The place was starting to hum and I have no idea how they were getting the orders completed given their processes.

There was a storm brewing so Alice and I left Gene and Trish some money and the joy of working out the bill. The waitress had a pile of orders and had no idea which table they belonged to. Gene sorted her out based on what we received and in the end the total bill was under MR100. All good fun! We only just made it back to our deluxe accommodation when the heavens opened up. The rain and the ensuing mango bombardment provided a cacophony of noise on the tin roof. A couple of relaxing drinks on the balcony and we were ready for bed.

Day 4, 6th September – Unhappy Campers

Gene and I were once again up early, if you can call 7:00am early. We went and had a coffee with the locals before heading back to wake the girls. Once again breakfast was not ready at the hotel so we adjoined to the local food hall for coffee and an egg and onion roti. The roti is basically a pancake that is whipped up on a hot plate by a charming Malay man. The flies and local cats joined us at our water view table.

It was time for the boys to go diving so we left the girls to their own devices and headed off to the dive shop to gear up. There are seven of us diving so we have a slightly bigger, only just, boat than yesterday. We are heading off to Tiger Reef which is approximately 25 minutes west of Salang Bay. Gene and I were the consummate professionals as we had no trouble descending to our maximum depth of 21m. The visibility was not great but there was still plenty of reef fish and coral. We started off with a little swim through and saw a Moray Eel and some large Batfish. A little further into the dive and we were greeted by a turtle that appeared to enjoy swimming in our air bubbles. A couple of more Moray Eels and some Nudibanchs completed what was an excellent dive.

In between dives we stayed on the boat which was moored at our next dive site of Labas Island. For some reason the dive company supplies us with lunch when we stay on the boat. The chicken club sandwich that they supplied went down a treat. This dive was spent mostly around the 11m depth and had a variety of swim troughs to entertain us. Most of our time was spent just poking around the crevices and bommies looking for anything that took our fancy.

We were back on land at around 3:00pm and after washing our gear we met up with the girls. As we settled down with a beer they regaled us with the news of the day. They had spent the morning chatting with Peter a British expatriate and his Malay wife Reah. They also took the initiative and found a new hotel that met their expectations in terms of cleanliness as well as a view. As everything is still booked out for the weekend the super deluxe rooms at the Salang Sayang will not be available until tomorrow. We gave our nod of approval and they went off to book our new digs and cancel our old ones. The hotel was fine but they did want us out of our rooms by 8:30am and payment for the 3 nights. With the girls now happy we went off in search of an early meal. We ended up with some more Tom Yam soup, hamburgers and a variety of curries. The soup just about exploded my taste buds and I was in desperate need of some milk.

Day 5, 7th September – The Big Move

I was glad when the sun came up this morning as the mosquitoes were particularly ferocious. We all had a multitude of bite marks with Alice copping some nasty ones on her face. I think that the big move has arrived just in time. With our bags packed we headed out the door, past reception and the smelly stream to our new room. The rooms were not quite ready so we stored our bags and went for breakfast. Along the way we admired the giant monitor lizards that inhabit the creek. They are so big that they look like Komodo Dragons.

Time to check-in and Gene and I had the task of hauling the bags up a number of steep steps to our
new rooms. One word can describe the new digs, SENSATIONAL! Our tiled balcony overlooks the beach and the bay. The hotel rooms are set in a picturesque garden with palm trees. Our showers spurt out a constant stream of hot water unlike the trickle we received at the previous place. After unpacking it was time to head off for some more diving.

Our first dive today was at Layeng Layeng . This dive was a little ordinary as the visibility was atrocious. Gene did manage to spot a small Moray Eel which was the only highlight of the dive. The next dive at Tredau which is just north of Salang was probably the best one to date. Under a coral bommie  we saw a giant puffer fish and a little further on there was a green turtle. It was blissfully chomping on a piece of coaral and did not seem to mind all the divers posing for photographs with it. There was also some large blue ringed angelfish and yellow masked angelfish. To finish off the dive we saw a big school of bumphead fish which I think are a part of the Parrot family. These guys were huge!

Back at our new MR250 ($85) a night lodgings Alice and Trish had tales to tell of the local hooligans. In the early afternoon a large troop of monkeys headed into the resort looking for any tidbits that they could find. As part of this process they would climb onto verandahs and upturn rubbish bins or grab any food that might be lying around. Meanwhile Gene and I relaxed with an ice cold beer and enjoyed the view. Dinner tonight was at Salang Dream who do a pretty good barbeque. The waitress who happened to be a ladyboy was very helpful in organizing our meals.

Day 6, 8th September – Coral Island

Woke up reasonably early after a mosquito free sleep. Gene was on the deck and was being amused by the monkey that he found hand spooning into its mouth the dregs of his rum and coke. We are in no hurry this morning as Gene and I are having a lay day from the diving. The plan is that we will join the girls and embark on an all day around the island speedboat cruise. We have booked with Peter and his wife and are due to depart at 10:30am. Well 10:30 came and went and there was no sign of a boat or anything that resembled a trip. Time was dragging on and eventually we found out that the skipper had decided to travel to Mersing on the main ferry on what we assume was personal business. This basically meant that he would not be back on the island until 12:30pm. A quick change of plans was in order so we booked the boat for a 1:00pm snorkeling trip to Coral Island (MR70 for 4 hours) which is a 20 minute fast speedboat ride from Salang Bay.

This time when we sauntered down from our room the boat was waiting for us. There were two other guests on the boat who were both Malay girls and the skipper introduced himself as Captain One. The first snorkeling stop was fantastic. The boat was moored just off Coral Island and the visibility was great. The girls were quick to through on their masks and fins and they were soon skimming over the water admiring all the tropical reef fish and the abundant coral. There were plenty of anemones hosting clown fish and the occasional parrot fish. When Alice and Trish finally clambered back on board they declared it their best ever snorkeling experience. Captain One then drove us over to the other side of the island which had a movie set quality to it. The water was shallow, crystal clear and lapped at a white sand beach which had a near impregnable jungle behind it. We had another snorkel here which was okay but not as good as the previous one. The real entertainment was watching Captain One whom Gene has now named "Don One" (Juan) putting the moves on one of the Malay girls. It looks like they have been together before but nevertheless he is being overly attentive towards her.

Our next stop was at Malang Rock which is just off Coral Island. The current was strong so only
Gene and I ventured in. I’m glad that we did as the marine life was prolific. After about 20 minutes we were back on board and headed for Salang Bay where the currents were more favorable. There were plenty of sea anemones which were hosting all sizes of clown fish. With the snorkeling over it was back to the chalet for an afternoon tipple. In Gene’s case make that a nanna nap.

Day 7, 9th September – Planet Of The Apes

With the snorkeling out of the way it was back to the serious business of diving. Gene and I are the only divers today so we have plenty of room on the boat. Fan Canyon off Coral Island is the destination for our first dive. It is a drift dive with a maximum depth of 14m. As the name suggests there is a lot of coral to view on this dive. The visibility was once again in the 10m to 12m range which makes it difficult to spot the bigger species that may be a little further out. We did get a good look at a huge Moray Eel and a Cod. The dive lasted about 50 minutes before we surfaced.

Once we were back on board the boat scooted over to Malang Rock and anchored on the lee side. We enjoyed a sandwich before setting up our equipment for the second dive. I must be improving as the setup only took a couple of minutes. This is a great dive site but once again the visibility takes the edge off the experience. Our dive master Azzi pointed out a blue spotted stingray and a green turtle that was snacking away on a piece of coral. There were a couple of tight swim throughs and it was interesting to observe our bubbles trapped on the rock ceiling above us.

The girls meanwhile have taken a boat taxi to spend the day at Tekek which is the administrative centre for the island. They had a pleasant morning walking along the foreshore towards Air Batang. There was nothing exciting about Tekek except for the ATM machine so they ordered a taxi to convey them to the Berjaya Resort. Alice and Trish are not timid and it wasn’t long before they were swimming in the hotel pool and enjoying a cappuccino. Oh the decadence!

While we waited for them to return from their sojourn Gene managed another power nap. From our balcony we could see the girls arriving at the jetty. As they approached the room we could see that they looked bedraggled. Apparently speedboats are not much fun when the wind is up and the ride is bumpy. After a hot shower and a change of clothes they joined us to watch the local ape population indulging in some mayhem. For some fun I growled at one of the large males. He obviously took me as a threat and without any hesitation he leapt off the neighbouring roof and launched himself at me. I would like to say that I stared him down but such was the ferocity of his charge that I dived back into the sanctuary of our room. Alice and I went back outside to see if we could intimidate the villainous Koba (Planet of the Apes) but he would have none of it. Once again he charged us and I practically ran over Alice in my haste to get back inside. After our brush with Koba we will be treating these bad boys with more respect.

Tonight we are having dinner at Salang Dreams which does a very good barbeque. Like all the restaurants on the island they do not serve alcohol however you are welcome to BYO. One of the good things about Tioman Island is that it is duty free which means we can buy a can of beer for RM4. This is far cheaper than the prices on the mainland. Our meal of squid, grouper, chips, curry and rice was just under $20 a couple.

Day 8, 10th September – The Missing

There are no boat dives today but two shore dives will keep us occupied for most of the day. We headed up to the northern end of the bay and after gearing up made the slow swim out into deeper water. Our destination was an old wreck that lies at a depth of about 24 metres. The wreck supports a good array of marine life including a big school of yellow and black striped fish (Don’t know name). There were also blue banded angelfish, bat fish, grouper and a small turtle.

After lunch the dive location was the house reef. This entailed a short walk from the dive shop and entering the water just south of the jetty. Our luck with visibility has not changed as the change of tide has stirred the sand up. We can see for about 8 metres which is just good enough. There are a couple of small coral outcrops near the jetty but the highlight was swimming through a large school of baitfish. They were so thick that the light from the sun was blocked. After the jetty we finned across to an artificial reef. A large Batfish accompanied us like a faithful dog to the reef.

With our dive over we needed to settle up our account with the dive shop. We needed access to our room and luckily I found Alice down by the beach. She thought Trish was at the room so Gene went on ahead. When we arrived Gene was standing forlornly at his door. He jumped our balcony and luckily the door was unlocked but there was no Trish or evidence of a note. We settled up our dive account which cost us just under $60 for a double boat dive with all gear supplied. A large storm was brewing so we walked the length of the bay in search of the missing Trish. She was nowhere to be found so we could only assume that she had decided to take a walk over the mountain to a neighbouring bay. With the storm over we were heading back to the room when we saw Trish arrive on a small motorized dinghy. It turned out that she had walked to Monkey Bay and was trapped there due to the storm. There is only one family who lives there and they earn most of their income from conveying tourists for MR40 back to Salang Bay.

Trish was obviously happy to be back and Alice helped her celebrate with a bottle of champagne. It is
our last dinner tonight so it was off to the Salang Indah which has great water views. The food was great and ridiculously cheap at about $13 a couple. I love these prices!

Day 9, 11th September – Where’s The Bus

We are up nice an early this morning as our ferry back to the mainland is due to depart at 9:00am. A quick pack of the bags and by 8:00 we were sipping on a condensed milk Nescafe. I was thinking of ordering an omelet but a ferry pulled into the jetty at 8:20 am. On investigation it turned out to be our ferry back to Mersing so our breakfast was cut short. As Salang Bay is the first pick up point we have no problem with getting a decent comfortable trip. The trip back was uneventful and the boat berthed at around 11:15am.

On the previous day Gene had organized a taxi for the return trip to Singapore and his driver was waiting when we arrived. On the other hand I declined to book our bus tickets to Kuala Lumpur on the pretext that there would be plenty of seats available and it would save us RM20 in unnecessary booking fees. I wanted to get to the bus terminal by midday on the off chance that there was a bus at 12:30pm. We had plenty of time so we went across the road and purchased a few T-shirts before getting a lift with Trish and Gene to the bus station. On arrival we said our farewells and saluted what was a fabulous time.

My joy quickly turned to horror as each counter said that all the tickets for the 12:30 and 1:30 trips had been sold. Oops I forgot that this was supposed to be the start of school holidays! I checked with a couple of taxi drivers and found out that the taxi fare for the 351km trip to KL would be RM750 ($250). It was a reasonable price considering the distance but I declined and went back to try my luck at the bus counter. The not so good news was that there were seats available on the 10:00pm bus but the kind lady offered me an alternative. She ended up selling us the last two tickets on the 1:30pm bus to a bigger town called Kluang which is another 100km up the road. There are a number of bus companies travelling between Kluang and KL so she thought I should have no problem in getting an onward journey.

Our bus which is quite comfortable and luxurious departed about 10 minutes early. The journey was uneventful and reminded us of Sabah with all the palm oil plantations. We arrived a little after 3:00pm and after unloading our luggage dashed up the stairs to try and purchase some onward tickets. I tried the same company and my luck continued to hold as they had two tickets available on the 3:30pm trip to KL. The irony of all this is that the sum of the parts was less than the whole as the combined cost of our bus tickets was about RM8 cheaper (total cost for two of us was $25) than the direct bus. Our VIP bus was even more fancy than the previous one. The last 200km into KL was on a tollway and the driver who was suffering from boredom spent half the time on his mobile phone. Nevertheless I did not feel unsafe as he seemed to be aware of any changing traffic conditions. In the end we arrived at the main bus terminal in KL about 20 minutes later than the direct bus. The bus terminal at KL is a terrific transport hub with links to three rail lines other bus services and taxis. The facilities inside the terminal are first rate and makes Roma Street look like a slum.

Feeling relieved that we had made it to our next destination we hired an unmetered taxi and accepted the price of RM30 ($10) for conveyance to our hotel. I think a normal driver may have taken 30 minutes but with the pedal to the metal he made it 20 minutes to the Alpha Genesis Hotel in the area of Bukit Bintang. We booked this hotel on Hotelopia and are paying $249 for four nights in a deluxe room. Our check-in could not have gone any better as there were no queues. An even more pleasant surprise is that they have upgraded us to a business class room as they had run out of deluxe rooms. When we walked in the room I could not believe how big it was. There is a separate lounge room with an extra television a small eating area that has a large refrigerator as well as a microwave. Can’t help but feel loved!

After we settled in it was off for a short walk to get a feel for the area. It is a real happening area with night clubs, street eateries, massages and convenience stores. After being in an area where you could not buy a drink we were suddenly being offered two for one cocktails from nearly every establishment. We ended up having dinner at a no frills Indian style restaurant. Our total bill for a very filling meal with non alcoholic drinks was about $9.

Day 10, 12th September – Shopping, Hotmail and Contracts

Breakfast was included in the room rate and was reasonable but not exceptional. After it had settled we went walking in search of Skechers store and the Pavilion Shopping centre. A few wrong turns later we finally found this huge store that easily beats anything in Brisbane in terms of opulence. The prices were all similar to home so Alice was a little disappointed. She did however manage to find a good quality duffle style suitcase to replace the one with the broken wheel.

My Hotmail account had been hacked and as a result I was locked out. A code was required to unlock the account but I can only get it sent to my home email account. Luckily I could ring home on Skype and Doreen saved the day and retrieved the code for me as well as forwarding on our more important emails. The most important one was from Caloundra Real Estate who have signed up a prospective buyer for Alice’s unit at Dicky Beach. The fun started when we had to try and print out the twenty page contract, sign and initial the relevant pages, scan the signed copies and then send them back to the agent. Luckily the hotel had a business centre and we were able to print the documents but regrettably there was no scanner. We went in search of an internet café and after a twenty minute walk found an excellent location. The scanner could only do a page at a time but the lady in charge managed the job for us and then saved it to our USB.

When I went to attach the file to our email the USB did a back flip and all the files on the stick were lost. I was really frustrated but determined to get the contract back to the agent. Two trips and a different USB later I was finally able to send the files or so I thought. Stupid me I forgot that the email was forwarded from our home address and as a result of selecting “reply to all” I sent the file to myself. On the second attempt I got it right. By the time I had finished all this rigmarole it was time for dinner and an early night.